Thursday, June 28, 2007
The "meltdown"...
Several of you have asked if I was going to be honest enough to share this on my blog, so here goes. It is something I shared at Southern Hills two or three Sundays ago.
A few weeks ago I had come to the end of my rope. I was mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually exhausted. I had a really difficult year at work with a lot of stress. As an elder, I was dealing with many of the crisis situations among my flock. Maybe because we are such examples of grace in action, people feel better about calling me when they have spiritual blow-ups. So it is emotional and painful. My father-in-law had major surgery, lots of complications, and that took a toll. I preached HIP thru the semester but instead of getting some "down-time", I went right into wedding season: eight this year, with three of them the first three weeks after HIP.
How did I know something wasn't right? I was getting the essentials done, but my productivity was low. My motivation was weak, and my sleep habits were horrible. For a high energy, super positive guy, that is scary. So Marsha hauled me to the doctor. Great guy and a believer who asked how I managed that much stress. I told him exercise, prayer, and time in the Word. Except I realized my study had become lesson intensive, not personal. I was praying for everyone but me, and for two months I hadn't been running. Oddly enough, I didn't even realize I wasn't until Marsha told me. He asked what I did to relax. I told him hunt, fish, golf, and get away with Mom. Then we established that it had been a year since we had been away, that I only went hunting three times last year, fished once, and last played golf three years ago. And I wasn't taking time off. If I took time off from Herald of Truth, I was doing eldering or ministry at Southern Hills. Or preaching somewhere.
Technical diagnosis: exhaustion. Practical diagnosis: I kept the pedal to the floorboard all the time. Then I ran out of gas and I still kept it floored. And as has been pointed out, this will never end. I could resign as an elder, but people would still show up for help, and I cannot envision a time when I will not be preaching or teaching. Those of you who know me well have assured me this is right. By God's grace, I am who I am. And I believe it is God who opens the door for all these opportunities.
So what's the answer? Fill the tank, then don't let it get empty again. Marsha is intense about helping me. My accountability group is going to monitor me. My ministry team at Herald of Truth is going to watch me.
So why tell you all this? Don't let it happen to you. It reminds me that Jesus really is life or death for me. I need the Lord. He must be the source of my strength and my energy. He has been and He will be. And yes, I am getting there. Still doing lots, but taking time and letting God fill my tank.
So... if you have any thoughts, ideas, or similar experiences feel free to share them.
A few weeks ago I had come to the end of my rope. I was mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually exhausted. I had a really difficult year at work with a lot of stress. As an elder, I was dealing with many of the crisis situations among my flock. Maybe because we are such examples of grace in action, people feel better about calling me when they have spiritual blow-ups. So it is emotional and painful. My father-in-law had major surgery, lots of complications, and that took a toll. I preached HIP thru the semester but instead of getting some "down-time", I went right into wedding season: eight this year, with three of them the first three weeks after HIP.
How did I know something wasn't right? I was getting the essentials done, but my productivity was low. My motivation was weak, and my sleep habits were horrible. For a high energy, super positive guy, that is scary. So Marsha hauled me to the doctor. Great guy and a believer who asked how I managed that much stress. I told him exercise, prayer, and time in the Word. Except I realized my study had become lesson intensive, not personal. I was praying for everyone but me, and for two months I hadn't been running. Oddly enough, I didn't even realize I wasn't until Marsha told me. He asked what I did to relax. I told him hunt, fish, golf, and get away with Mom. Then we established that it had been a year since we had been away, that I only went hunting three times last year, fished once, and last played golf three years ago. And I wasn't taking time off. If I took time off from Herald of Truth, I was doing eldering or ministry at Southern Hills. Or preaching somewhere.
Technical diagnosis: exhaustion. Practical diagnosis: I kept the pedal to the floorboard all the time. Then I ran out of gas and I still kept it floored. And as has been pointed out, this will never end. I could resign as an elder, but people would still show up for help, and I cannot envision a time when I will not be preaching or teaching. Those of you who know me well have assured me this is right. By God's grace, I am who I am. And I believe it is God who opens the door for all these opportunities.
So what's the answer? Fill the tank, then don't let it get empty again. Marsha is intense about helping me. My accountability group is going to monitor me. My ministry team at Herald of Truth is going to watch me.
So why tell you all this? Don't let it happen to you. It reminds me that Jesus really is life or death for me. I need the Lord. He must be the source of my strength and my energy. He has been and He will be. And yes, I am getting there. Still doing lots, but taking time and letting God fill my tank.
So... if you have any thoughts, ideas, or similar experiences feel free to share them.
