Ridgell's Originals

Let me say upfront that I am not against youth ministry.  I spent several years in full-time youth ministry.  I think most youth ministers are committed to helping young people develop a relationship with Jesus.  It was about 45 years ago that churches of Christ became heavily involved in youth ministry.  For decades, youth minister was the second staff position hired in most churches.

I have to think before I call her my mother-in-law because Granny is more like my other Mom.  Last Saturday we celebrated her 85th birthday and here are just a few of the reasons I love her.

She gave me Marsha and that has made all the difference in my life.  But more than that, she taught Marsha to love her family, to cook, to be faithful Christian, and to be a good wife and mother.  And I get the benefit of all that.

Granny, Marsha, Julie (our daughter), and Avery (Julie's daughter) have this really cool 4 generation thing going.  Marsha and her Mom are really, really close.  So are Julie and Marsha. And Avery and her Mommy.  But so are Julie and Granny.  And Avery and Mimi.  And even Granny and Avery.  Really, really special.

Granny doesn't complain.  She just doesn't.  Not about her pain, which is incredible most days.  Not about her health status, which is not good.  At some point she is going to have kidney failure.  She knows this and accepts it.  Loves her time here.  Ready to go home when God calls her.

She reads to Grandpa.  He can't see too well anymore so she reads to him.  Reads the Bible to him.  Reads all my books to him.  Reads the sports pages to him.  That's love.

Treats me like I am her son.  I don't mean just nice and sweet to mt.  I mean she really loves me just like I was hers.

And I am.

So happy birthday Granny.  I don't know how many more you get in this life, but I am thankful for every one we get to celebrate.

Thank you God for Granny.  She helps us see you.

Last Wednesday was my Dad's 85th birthday and he doesn't know it.  I don't mean that he doesn't act his age.  He was that way for years.  Healthier and stronger than most men his age.  But now it is that he doesn't process it.  I called and sang happy birthday and he thanked me.  My Mom said he knew it was his birthday but he thought he was 45.  Interesting since I am 61.

Alzheimer's.  It has taken most of the Dad I have always known.  I see little hints of my Dad:  he says I love you, he can still ask about my family -- even when he can't remember any details about them.  He knows I talk about Jesus but can't remember exactly where or how.

But I have thought a lot about his kingdom purpose now.  After all, he no longer can serve as an elder.  He can't teach Bible class.  He doesn't study with non-Christians any more.

 So let me tell why my Dad still has value.

His voice still communicates.  Every time I talk to him I remember.  I know what he would say if he could.

He is the means for my Mom to be a living witness of a faithful wife.  For better or worse.  She is literally giving her life to take care of him.  It is a life testimony.  Her commitment speaks Jesus into a world that does not sacrificially love.

He provides an opportunity for their church to serve.  Some bring by meals.  Some bring by communion.  Some send cards.  Some drop in to visit even when they can't really visit.  Last time they went to a primetimers meeting, they got a standing ovation.

It lets my sister give back.  She and her husband drop in, visit ,sit with Dad, run errands with Mom.  When I called to sing Happy Birthday, they were there bringing cake.  That's what family does.

It lets Marsha and I prepare for our future.  Both sides of Marsha's family live a long time and in their right mind.  Not my family.  Not on either side.  My Mom is about the only relative I remember who kept their mind past 80.  I may not go senile.  Or, depending on how you like my preaching, I may already be senile.  :)
But if my folks are a glimpse of our future, then what a great example.  Like they have been for so much of my life.

So my Dad can't understand this post.  But I love him.  He still is of value to the Kingdom.  It's just in a different way.

So happy 85th Pap.  Love you.  And thank you God for the lessons I'm still learning from him.

If we really want to talk about why our young people might be losing their faith as adults, then let's shift the discussion to where it belongs.  And it is not a discussion about the church.

It is not the church's fault.

And "fixing" church is not the answer.

I know that worship can be more relevant.  I know preaching could be better.  I get all the things we think are wrong with church.  And I know a lot of churches that have worked hard over the last few decades to get it right.  So they shouldn't be losing their kids, right?

But they still do.

So maybe the answer is to talk about parents.  If you want your children to grow up with a strong faith, then take responsibility for your child's spiritual development.  It is your job.

I do not want to beat up on parents whose children are lost, but I do think parents still raising their kids have got to hear some things.  So I am urging parents with unfaithful kids to quit blaming church.  Don't talk about the failures of the church, the youth group, the preachers, the elders, the singing, the budget, and the color of the ceiling tiles.  Because a lot of imperfect churches have produced faithful kids.

Because of the parents.  Church not authentic enough for your kids?  OK, show them real authentic faith at home.  You have them lots more than church does.  Not enough Bible being taught?  What are you doing at home?  More service opportunities?  What are they seeing your family do?

It is hard work to instill faith in children.  So you have to decide how important it is.  Maybe you have to work less.  Maybe you as a parent have to step up spiritually.  Less "me" time, more "kids" time.

And here is the big one:  Dads, this is on you.  God told us Dads to raise our children in the Lord.  Don't put it off on Mom or the church.  Step up and raise your kids to love Jesus.

And it starts with your example.  If you love Jesus, your kids will too.

Spiritual parents produce spiritual kids.  They do in large, healthy churches with vibrant worship and youth ministries.  And they do in tiny churches with no staff and no youth program.  Because it is not about the church.  It is about the parents.

So if you are want to be sure there is a church of tomorrow... then invest in the parents of today.  Not the kids, the parents.  Pray for them, encourage them, and love on them.  Quit celebrating business success and celebrate spiritual success.  Help the parents that need help.  And here is the one place the church should step up:  help your single parents.  Figure out how to "parent" spiritually your teenage converts.  Or the kids who are coming but have parents who are not doing their job.

And as a parent if you cannot figure out what to do, then look around for some faithful kids.  Then go ask their parents what they did.  Then do it.

Because when you are old, the only heritage that will matter to you is not financial, or political, or professional.

It will be spiritual.

I hurt for orphans who have no parents.  And we must help them.  But the saddest orphan of all is the spiritual orphan.  The one with no spiritual parents.  And most tragic of all is when that happens in families that are supposed to believe.  

Do not let that happen to your kids.

We will not lose our kids because of what we do with them.  We will lose our kids because we lost the parents.  The kids are collateral damage.  And that is a tragedy.

  

"Our young people are leaving."

I hear it everywhere.  I listen to countless discussions that revolve around what we must -- or must not -- do to keep our young people.  I have heard all sorts of statistics.  Someone told me the other day they heard that we were losing all but 6 -- 8% of our young people.  Really?

Christianity worries about being relevant to today's youth.  Every group -- including my tribe( churches of Christ) -- stresses about it.  Individual congregations trot this out as an accepted truth for every discussion about worship, staffing, programs, etc.

But is it true?

As I alluded to in my last post, we better define our terms better.

But I mostly wonder if this fear is not becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Is it now an accepted reality that our young people are going to leave?  Do we really have to structure everything we do around trying to keep our youth?  Do they even hear it so much that they think the normal course of action is to grow up and leave the church they grew up in?

We have reacted so strongly to this fear that I am not surprised our young people want to leave.  We are incredibly condescending to our young people.  Do we really think they are so shallow that casual dress and rock bands with a really young preacher will keep them?  They should be insulted.

And many of them are.  I believe they leave because they want authenticity.  We give them what we wanted as young people.  Nothing sadder than a bunch of old church leaders trying to decide what young people want.

How about if we started by asking what young people need in a church community?  Isn't that what church leaders ought to be deciding.  Need... not want.

And yes, I think we ought to engage in serious conversations with our teens and young adults.  And we ought to listen to them.  But shouldn't mature Christians know what they need?  After all, when my kids were growing up we rarely let them decide what they were going to eat at mealtime.  Amazingly, they grew up pretty healthy.  And today they don't cater to their kids meal preferences either.

Give our young people their due.  They may be looking for something that is real, true, and life changing.  And we are giving them superficial images.

And I don't think we are losing our young people.  I think a lot of kids raised in Christian families stay faithful to Jesus.  Even in churches of Christ, I meet people in every congregation whose parents, grandparents, and even great-grandparents worshiped in that fellowship.  Even where I go to church, I worship with kids who were in my youth group 40 years ago.  Still at Southern Hills.  Still faithful.

Sure some leave.  And some stay.  We even some who leave the church they grew up in and find what they are looking for with us.

So maybe we ought to talk about those who stay.  Maybe we ought to ask them why.  Maybe we ought to celebrate faithfulness.

Maybe we should expect them to stay rather than expect them to go.

I'll share more thoughts about "keeping" our young people, but let me share one thing that really is the answer.

Any discussion of keeping our young people that does not start with Jesus is the wrong conversation.    

We are losing our young people!

I have been hearing this for almost 50 years.  I first heard this when I was a teenager and our church wanted to hire a youth minister.  I still hear it today, both as an elder and as I travel around the country preaching in various places.

I have been thinking quite a bit about this and I will share some of my thoughts in future posts, but first I want to think about some of the problems I have with this statement.

If we never had them, are we really losing them?  If young people do not really buy into the Jesus lifestyle, then can we really say we have lost them?  I suspect we never had a lot of them to begin with.

If they go to another church and stay faithful to the Lord, have we really lost them?  And yes, I do have problems with young people that leave my fellowship and go to places that do not believe those things that Scripture teaches really matter.  But having said that, I find many young people in house churches, cell group fellowships, and various churches with differing worship styles.  But if the core convictions are the same, I don't believe we have "lost" them.

I am mostly concerned that this statement is used as a scare tactic to bully others into accepting changes -- or resisting all change -- in the name of "keeping our young people".

I am very concerned about any statement that says:  "if we do not do so and so, we won't even have a church in ten years."  Unless the so and so is Jesus, I would be very nervous about people using scare tactics like this.

Just because church, worship, and ministry may look different over the years does not mean we have lost anyone.  I am fairly confident that I have never seen or heard of a church that is doing everything just like they did in the New Testament.  But some things are the same and the matter.  Those are the things that are important about keeping our young people.

The one thing absolutely critical to this discussion is that this is about our kids growing up and getting to heaven.  God wants them there.  Satan doesn't.

Let's start framing the discussion in those terms.

Random bombs that destroy lives. Terrorism.  Shootings in schools that kill precious children.  Unimaginable violence.  Pedophiles.  Drunk drivers.  Natural disasters.