Friday, September 25, 2009
You Don't Trust Me...
As in any large church, and I guess those not so large as well, our elders sometimes do not agree on every decision. The disagreements are rarely over principles. We all agree that we are pastors and overseers. We all agree that we want to share our story with our world. But it is natural and inevitable that we will sometimes disagree over programs or plans. Sometimes our ministry staff does not agree on everything. And, of course, sometimes elders and ministers will disagree.
When these differences of opinions occur, at some point someone will say "You just don't trust us/me". My initial response has always been to insist that having a difference of opinion has nothing to do with trust. But it has occurred to me that "trust" might mean different things to different people.
I tend to think that to not trust someone means I have doubts about their intentions, their character, or their heart. Or that I think they are hypocritical or duplicitous (big word, huh). So by my definition, just because I disagree with some proposal or course of action has nothing to do with trust. I cannot fathom working with an elder or minister that I did not trust in this sense.
It could be that trust is used in the sense of confidence -- that disagreement means that you do not trust my judgment or my expertise. It is as if it is personal. So if I am to trust anyone to always be correct and to make the right decision about every situation.. then I guess I don't trust anyone, not even myself. I like to think I am always right, but time has proven that to be incorrect. I do believe I have good judgment and I think that has been proven over time. But everyone does not always agree with me on everything. I don't think that is a trust issue.
No one gets it right every time. Not any elder. Not any preacher. Not any man. Or woman. So when leadership makes decisions, and it is not the way you would have done it -- don't take it personally. It is not about trust. It is not a condemnation of your judgment or capabilities. Or mine. And believe me, I have been outvoted many times. Sometimes my position was proven right over time. And sometimes my vote proved to be wrong. I have used persuasion to move others to support my position. Many times I have been so glad I did. Occasionally I have regretted it.
So don't take things personally. Don't get negative. Extend grace. Trust the other leaders. Admit you can be wrong. Believe God works among His people. And "trust" me on this -- the church will survive. It is so much bigger and more powerful than me. Or you. And aren't we all glad.
Your thoughts.
When these differences of opinions occur, at some point someone will say "You just don't trust us/me". My initial response has always been to insist that having a difference of opinion has nothing to do with trust. But it has occurred to me that "trust" might mean different things to different people.
I tend to think that to not trust someone means I have doubts about their intentions, their character, or their heart. Or that I think they are hypocritical or duplicitous (big word, huh). So by my definition, just because I disagree with some proposal or course of action has nothing to do with trust. I cannot fathom working with an elder or minister that I did not trust in this sense.
It could be that trust is used in the sense of confidence -- that disagreement means that you do not trust my judgment or my expertise. It is as if it is personal. So if I am to trust anyone to always be correct and to make the right decision about every situation.. then I guess I don't trust anyone, not even myself. I like to think I am always right, but time has proven that to be incorrect. I do believe I have good judgment and I think that has been proven over time. But everyone does not always agree with me on everything. I don't think that is a trust issue.
No one gets it right every time. Not any elder. Not any preacher. Not any man. Or woman. So when leadership makes decisions, and it is not the way you would have done it -- don't take it personally. It is not about trust. It is not a condemnation of your judgment or capabilities. Or mine. And believe me, I have been outvoted many times. Sometimes my position was proven right over time. And sometimes my vote proved to be wrong. I have used persuasion to move others to support my position. Many times I have been so glad I did. Occasionally I have regretted it.
So don't take things personally. Don't get negative. Extend grace. Trust the other leaders. Admit you can be wrong. Believe God works among His people. And "trust" me on this -- the church will survive. It is so much bigger and more powerful than me. Or you. And aren't we all glad.
Your thoughts.
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Steve, I have been around a group of elders who many in the congregation came to the point they did not trust them due to decisions being made. For those who had an alternative suggestion, the elders in a sense told them, go sit in the corner, suck your thumb and be quiet. This is what we're going to do. Frustration over this type of approach led to distrust and what is really the direction the elders are moving. So, several of those, who ended up in the corner, not asked to comment on a classroom discussion, quietly got up and moved their membership to another congregation. That provided those elders with fewer "headaches" to wrestle over. In the end, none of the elders even contacted the members who left to discuss "how could we resolve this situation" approach and we're family, we don't want you to leave. Instead, no contact, and you had the feeling "out of sight, out of mind" glad they're gone. Unfortunate situation for any church to experience.
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