Thursday, January 27, 2011
Parenting Advice
So how do you identify a good parent? You look at their kids.
It is always hard to talk about what makes a good parent. Part of that is because we are so uncomfortable with kids who have not turned out well. We emphasize techniques and processes. Do this, do that, and you are a good parent. Then we hasten to add that even if you are a good parent, your kids may not turn out so well anyway.
That always makes me uncomfortable. I am not sure I am comfortable telling Godly parents that Satan and this world may prove stronger. I just don't think I believe that.
But at the same time, I am not sure that learning the "mechanics" of good parenting is the right answer either. I am unable to explain how parents that seemed to do everything right have kids that did not turn out so well.
So let me offer a few thoughts.
Define what good means for your parenting. For me, it comes down to one thing. Are my kids faithful Christians? That's it. Anything else is a bonus. And without that, nothing else really matters in the long run. Maybe that will help you focus your parenting time and energy.
Good does not mean perfect. My own kids made lots of mistakes -- tho not as many as their Dad. Sometimes they made poor choices. But they never lost their faith, never quit on Jesus. So don't expect from your kids something you can't deliver yourself.
Don't sweat the little stuff. My kids do not agree with me on every aspect of worship and doctrine and life. Big deal. They nailed the critical stuff: Jesus is Lord, be crucified with him, live in community, live out faith, share it with others.
Look for the movie, not the snapshot. Sometimes it is helpful to view your child's life as a whole, and not focus on where they are at any one given moment in time.
My parenting days are over. I am friends with my kids now. We are thru raising them. If I die tomorrow, I will have accomplished one of the purposes God had for me: I have turned two believers out into this world. And between them, they are turning out five more. Are they doing everything the way I would -- or did? No, and sometimes I think it is good and sometimes I am not so sure. But they are good parents I think. I will know in about 20 years. And so will they.
So what is the key? What are the processes and techniques? I don't know. As I have said before, the only things I am sure of about parenting are these: love God, love your mate, love your kids. Pray lots.
I sure messed up lots of techniques and processes, but I nailed the big ones. Mostly because I never quit. And maybe that is one of the keys. Never give up. God didn't quit on me and He is the perfect role model for a Dad.
So thanks God. Above all, they were -- and are -- your kids before they were -- and are -- mine.
It is always hard to talk about what makes a good parent. Part of that is because we are so uncomfortable with kids who have not turned out well. We emphasize techniques and processes. Do this, do that, and you are a good parent. Then we hasten to add that even if you are a good parent, your kids may not turn out so well anyway.
That always makes me uncomfortable. I am not sure I am comfortable telling Godly parents that Satan and this world may prove stronger. I just don't think I believe that.
But at the same time, I am not sure that learning the "mechanics" of good parenting is the right answer either. I am unable to explain how parents that seemed to do everything right have kids that did not turn out so well.
So let me offer a few thoughts.
Define what good means for your parenting. For me, it comes down to one thing. Are my kids faithful Christians? That's it. Anything else is a bonus. And without that, nothing else really matters in the long run. Maybe that will help you focus your parenting time and energy.
Good does not mean perfect. My own kids made lots of mistakes -- tho not as many as their Dad. Sometimes they made poor choices. But they never lost their faith, never quit on Jesus. So don't expect from your kids something you can't deliver yourself.
Don't sweat the little stuff. My kids do not agree with me on every aspect of worship and doctrine and life. Big deal. They nailed the critical stuff: Jesus is Lord, be crucified with him, live in community, live out faith, share it with others.
Look for the movie, not the snapshot. Sometimes it is helpful to view your child's life as a whole, and not focus on where they are at any one given moment in time.
My parenting days are over. I am friends with my kids now. We are thru raising them. If I die tomorrow, I will have accomplished one of the purposes God had for me: I have turned two believers out into this world. And between them, they are turning out five more. Are they doing everything the way I would -- or did? No, and sometimes I think it is good and sometimes I am not so sure. But they are good parents I think. I will know in about 20 years. And so will they.
So what is the key? What are the processes and techniques? I don't know. As I have said before, the only things I am sure of about parenting are these: love God, love your mate, love your kids. Pray lots.
I sure messed up lots of techniques and processes, but I nailed the big ones. Mostly because I never quit. And maybe that is one of the keys. Never give up. God didn't quit on me and He is the perfect role model for a Dad.
So thanks God. Above all, they were -- and are -- your kids before they were -- and are -- mine.
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It is neat to me that I watched you and Marsha raise your kids, and that so much of what I practiced came from those observations. Especially when your kids were little. I remembered little from my infancy, so I watched you guys with Julie and Joe Don. And it was neat that Judy has always practiced Marsha's mantra, and now passes it along to young parents--when your kids ask you to hold them, drop what you are doing and do so. One day, they will grow up.
Well done.
Mark Edge
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Well done.
Mark Edge
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