Tuesday, April 30, 2013
It's not the church, it's the parents
If we really want to talk about why our young people might be losing their faith as adults, then let's shift the discussion to where it belongs. And it is not a discussion about the church.
It is not the church's fault.
And "fixing" church is not the answer.
I know that worship can be more relevant. I know preaching could be better. I get all the things we think are wrong with church. And I know a lot of churches that have worked hard over the last few decades to get it right. So they shouldn't be losing their kids, right?
But they still do.
So maybe the answer is to talk about parents. If you want your children to grow up with a strong faith, then take responsibility for your child's spiritual development. It is your job.
I do not want to beat up on parents whose children are lost, but I do think parents still raising their kids have got to hear some things. So I am urging parents with unfaithful kids to quit blaming church. Don't talk about the failures of the church, the youth group, the preachers, the elders, the singing, the budget, and the color of the ceiling tiles. Because a lot of imperfect churches have produced faithful kids.
Because of the parents. Church not authentic enough for your kids? OK, show them real authentic faith at home. You have them lots more than church does. Not enough Bible being taught? What are you doing at home? More service opportunities? What are they seeing your family do?
It is hard work to instill faith in children. So you have to decide how important it is. Maybe you have to work less. Maybe you as a parent have to step up spiritually. Less "me" time, more "kids" time.
And here is the big one: Dads, this is on you. God told us Dads to raise our children in the Lord. Don't put it off on Mom or the church. Step up and raise your kids to love Jesus.
And it starts with your example. If you love Jesus, your kids will too.
Spiritual parents produce spiritual kids. They do in large, healthy churches with vibrant worship and youth ministries. And they do in tiny churches with no staff and no youth program. Because it is not about the church. It is about the parents.
So if you are want to be sure there is a church of tomorrow... then invest in the parents of today. Not the kids, the parents. Pray for them, encourage them, and love on them. Quit celebrating business success and celebrate spiritual success. Help the parents that need help. And here is the one place the church should step up: help your single parents. Figure out how to "parent" spiritually your teenage converts. Or the kids who are coming but have parents who are not doing their job.
And as a parent if you cannot figure out what to do, then look around for some faithful kids. Then go ask their parents what they did. Then do it.
Because when you are old, the only heritage that will matter to you is not financial, or political, or professional.
It will be spiritual.
I hurt for orphans who have no parents. And we must help them. But the saddest orphan of all is the spiritual orphan. The one with no spiritual parents. And most tragic of all is when that happens in families that are supposed to believe.
Do not let that happen to your kids.
We will not lose our kids because of what we do with them. We will lose our kids because we lost the parents. The kids are collateral damage. And that is a tragedy.
It is not the church's fault.
And "fixing" church is not the answer.
I know that worship can be more relevant. I know preaching could be better. I get all the things we think are wrong with church. And I know a lot of churches that have worked hard over the last few decades to get it right. So they shouldn't be losing their kids, right?
But they still do.
So maybe the answer is to talk about parents. If you want your children to grow up with a strong faith, then take responsibility for your child's spiritual development. It is your job.
I do not want to beat up on parents whose children are lost, but I do think parents still raising their kids have got to hear some things. So I am urging parents with unfaithful kids to quit blaming church. Don't talk about the failures of the church, the youth group, the preachers, the elders, the singing, the budget, and the color of the ceiling tiles. Because a lot of imperfect churches have produced faithful kids.
Because of the parents. Church not authentic enough for your kids? OK, show them real authentic faith at home. You have them lots more than church does. Not enough Bible being taught? What are you doing at home? More service opportunities? What are they seeing your family do?
It is hard work to instill faith in children. So you have to decide how important it is. Maybe you have to work less. Maybe you as a parent have to step up spiritually. Less "me" time, more "kids" time.
And here is the big one: Dads, this is on you. God told us Dads to raise our children in the Lord. Don't put it off on Mom or the church. Step up and raise your kids to love Jesus.
And it starts with your example. If you love Jesus, your kids will too.
Spiritual parents produce spiritual kids. They do in large, healthy churches with vibrant worship and youth ministries. And they do in tiny churches with no staff and no youth program. Because it is not about the church. It is about the parents.
So if you are want to be sure there is a church of tomorrow... then invest in the parents of today. Not the kids, the parents. Pray for them, encourage them, and love on them. Quit celebrating business success and celebrate spiritual success. Help the parents that need help. And here is the one place the church should step up: help your single parents. Figure out how to "parent" spiritually your teenage converts. Or the kids who are coming but have parents who are not doing their job.
And as a parent if you cannot figure out what to do, then look around for some faithful kids. Then go ask their parents what they did. Then do it.
Because when you are old, the only heritage that will matter to you is not financial, or political, or professional.
It will be spiritual.
I hurt for orphans who have no parents. And we must help them. But the saddest orphan of all is the spiritual orphan. The one with no spiritual parents. And most tragic of all is when that happens in families that are supposed to believe.
Do not let that happen to your kids.
We will not lose our kids because of what we do with them. We will lose our kids because we lost the parents. The kids are collateral damage. And that is a tragedy.
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To much gloom and doom-you do not have to ask people why they do not go to the Church of Christ, they will volunteer the information.
I met a former member of the Church of Christ, and was told it was one of the most depressing places she had ever gone to. This former member even went so far as to say the song "Night with Ebon Pinon" was one of the darkest songs she had ever heard sung.
If people are leaving the church, you need to ask why, what did you do that did not meet their needs. People do not leave where their needs are met.
Sometimes Steve, it really is the fault of the church - if all members see and hear is talk but no action, they will not return. The tragedy is blaming the wrong people for your loss.
I met a former member of the Church of Christ, and was told it was one of the most depressing places she had ever gone to. This former member even went so far as to say the song "Night with Ebon Pinon" was one of the darkest songs she had ever heard sung.
If people are leaving the church, you need to ask why, what did you do that did not meet their needs. People do not leave where their needs are met.
Sometimes Steve, it really is the fault of the church - if all members see and hear is talk but no action, they will not return. The tragedy is blaming the wrong people for your loss.
Steve....you could not be more on target. In my 18 years of growing up (I'm 46 now), I worshipped in large to tiny churches....with no youth group...and definately churches that "did not meet my/our needs"...but I remember my parents, who understood that it was not about "our needs" but it about serving our local church...because, as my Mom said when I asked her "why do we go to church"....this is important and we believe...if we didn't, we'd go somewhere else. Not only do we parents need to step up and be parents, but Christians need to stop with the shallow "me, my needs" view of faith and worship. I think the more we focuse on others, the more God meets our needs. Peace brother...glad to know about your blog.
Steve you are absolutely dead on.. right on target with your post regarding "parents" vs the "church". The same could be said for schools. We adults have to abandon this shallow "me...my needs" attitude toward worship and focus on serving...I have found that the more I focus on others, the more God meets my needs. Glad to have found your blog. Peace!!
Eloise, I was really thinking about losing faith in Jesus more than leaving a particular church of congregation. But you did hit on something about "all talk no action". I become increasingly convinced that what our kids look for is authentic Christianity. When we become consumed with "meeting their needs" without being authentic then we end up where David's comments indicate. Anyway, thanks for the thoughts. Always make me think.
David -- good to hear from you brother. Blessings.
David -- good to hear from you brother. Blessings.
Because of the city I live in,and the diverse population here I have been blessed to be able to explore many religious organizations over the last 30 years. The person mentioned in my post was at a Methodist social function after services there. It wasn't that she had lost faith in Christ,it was the Church of Christ, she had turned away from.
I know you stated a lot of your loss of young people, is due to the lack of parent involvement in the church, but would bad parents even be in the audience? I think most parents really do encourage their children to love God and be kind and productive people in society. So if they are leaving your congeration the question is why?
Why are people pouring into some of the mega churches, and not "yours"? If people still have faith in God,and leave your congeration to worship somewhere else it would seem to be a church issue. Just my thoughts--always love to you and Marsh.
I know you stated a lot of your loss of young people, is due to the lack of parent involvement in the church, but would bad parents even be in the audience? I think most parents really do encourage their children to love God and be kind and productive people in society. So if they are leaving your congeration the question is why?
Why are people pouring into some of the mega churches, and not "yours"? If people still have faith in God,and leave your congeration to worship somewhere else it would seem to be a church issue. Just my thoughts--always love to you and Marsh.
Authentic Christianity is going out in the community and helping those who don't have anything or can't help themselves. Too many people see Christianity as showing up on Sunday and sitting through the service. I have heard preachers remind people that there are 4 times a week when the church meets and are you getting a check mark for all 4?
While being consumed with "meeting their needs" leads to problems, you need to throw the dog some food on occasion. Once in a while it would not hurt to ask people what they think they need to hear or would like to hear.
I was never asked once as a kid growing up in the cofC if there were anything I would like to even know about, much less hear discussed.
Hence it is why I longer go there.
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While being consumed with "meeting their needs" leads to problems, you need to throw the dog some food on occasion. Once in a while it would not hurt to ask people what they think they need to hear or would like to hear.
I was never asked once as a kid growing up in the cofC if there were anything I would like to even know about, much less hear discussed.
Hence it is why I longer go there.
# posted by 
: 8:13 AM PDT
: 8:13 AM PDT << Home
