Thursday, April 25, 2013
Our young people and self--fulfilling prophecies...
"Our young people are leaving."
I hear it everywhere. I listen to countless discussions that revolve around what we must -- or must not -- do to keep our young people. I have heard all sorts of statistics. Someone told me the other day they heard that we were losing all but 6 -- 8% of our young people. Really?
Christianity worries about being relevant to today's youth. Every group -- including my tribe( churches of Christ) -- stresses about it. Individual congregations trot this out as an accepted truth for every discussion about worship, staffing, programs, etc.
But is it true?
As I alluded to in my last post, we better define our terms better.
But I mostly wonder if this fear is not becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Is it now an accepted reality that our young people are going to leave? Do we really have to structure everything we do around trying to keep our youth? Do they even hear it so much that they think the normal course of action is to grow up and leave the church they grew up in?
We have reacted so strongly to this fear that I am not surprised our young people want to leave. We are incredibly condescending to our young people. Do we really think they are so shallow that casual dress and rock bands with a really young preacher will keep them? They should be insulted.
And many of them are. I believe they leave because they want authenticity. We give them what we wanted as young people. Nothing sadder than a bunch of old church leaders trying to decide what young people want.
How about if we started by asking what young people need in a church community? Isn't that what church leaders ought to be deciding. Need... not want.
And yes, I think we ought to engage in serious conversations with our teens and young adults. And we ought to listen to them. But shouldn't mature Christians know what they need? After all, when my kids were growing up we rarely let them decide what they were going to eat at mealtime. Amazingly, they grew up pretty healthy. And today they don't cater to their kids meal preferences either.
Give our young people their due. They may be looking for something that is real, true, and life changing. And we are giving them superficial images.
And I don't think we are losing our young people. I think a lot of kids raised in Christian families stay faithful to Jesus. Even in churches of Christ, I meet people in every congregation whose parents, grandparents, and even great-grandparents worshiped in that fellowship. Even where I go to church, I worship with kids who were in my youth group 40 years ago. Still at Southern Hills. Still faithful.
Sure some leave. And some stay. We even some who leave the church they grew up in and find what they are looking for with us.
So maybe we ought to talk about those who stay. Maybe we ought to ask them why. Maybe we ought to celebrate faithfulness.
Maybe we should expect them to stay rather than expect them to go.
I'll share more thoughts about "keeping" our young people, but let me share one thing that really is the answer.
Any discussion of keeping our young people that does not start with Jesus is the wrong conversation.
I hear it everywhere. I listen to countless discussions that revolve around what we must -- or must not -- do to keep our young people. I have heard all sorts of statistics. Someone told me the other day they heard that we were losing all but 6 -- 8% of our young people. Really?
Christianity worries about being relevant to today's youth. Every group -- including my tribe( churches of Christ) -- stresses about it. Individual congregations trot this out as an accepted truth for every discussion about worship, staffing, programs, etc.
But is it true?
As I alluded to in my last post, we better define our terms better.
But I mostly wonder if this fear is not becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Is it now an accepted reality that our young people are going to leave? Do we really have to structure everything we do around trying to keep our youth? Do they even hear it so much that they think the normal course of action is to grow up and leave the church they grew up in?
We have reacted so strongly to this fear that I am not surprised our young people want to leave. We are incredibly condescending to our young people. Do we really think they are so shallow that casual dress and rock bands with a really young preacher will keep them? They should be insulted.
And many of them are. I believe they leave because they want authenticity. We give them what we wanted as young people. Nothing sadder than a bunch of old church leaders trying to decide what young people want.
How about if we started by asking what young people need in a church community? Isn't that what church leaders ought to be deciding. Need... not want.
And yes, I think we ought to engage in serious conversations with our teens and young adults. And we ought to listen to them. But shouldn't mature Christians know what they need? After all, when my kids were growing up we rarely let them decide what they were going to eat at mealtime. Amazingly, they grew up pretty healthy. And today they don't cater to their kids meal preferences either.
Give our young people their due. They may be looking for something that is real, true, and life changing. And we are giving them superficial images.
And I don't think we are losing our young people. I think a lot of kids raised in Christian families stay faithful to Jesus. Even in churches of Christ, I meet people in every congregation whose parents, grandparents, and even great-grandparents worshiped in that fellowship. Even where I go to church, I worship with kids who were in my youth group 40 years ago. Still at Southern Hills. Still faithful.
Sure some leave. And some stay. We even some who leave the church they grew up in and find what they are looking for with us.
So maybe we ought to talk about those who stay. Maybe we ought to ask them why. Maybe we ought to celebrate faithfulness.
Maybe we should expect them to stay rather than expect them to go.
I'll share more thoughts about "keeping" our young people, but let me share one thing that really is the answer.
Any discussion of keeping our young people that does not start with Jesus is the wrong conversation.
Comments:
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Has anyone done a long term study
on the different age brackets ( young, middle, single, etc.,)that actually leave the church? It would be interesting to see actual data done over a 40+ year time frame to support, or refute your discussion. An interpretation of that demographic would give a clearer answer as to why people are leaving, if in fact they are.
on the different age brackets ( young, middle, single, etc.,)that actually leave the church? It would be interesting to see actual data done over a 40+ year time frame to support, or refute your discussion. An interpretation of that demographic would give a clearer answer as to why people are leaving, if in fact they are.
If you ask the younger people what they need they would probably answer you honestly. You might then be called to deliver on it. This is the first fear. The second fear is that they start asking questions and not liking the worn-out 1950 answer and calling you on it. That would either further alienate them or cause a rethink of the old answers. We all know the cofC is not keen on rethinking the old answers since that might translate to we were wrong for all these years. Thus, the claim that they were always right has to be maintained.
# posted by 
: 6:58 AM PDT
: 6:58 AM PDT
Thanks for the comment, but I don't really see much of the attitude you describe. But maybe I just don't hear it.
The overall idea pervasive in the cofC is that we (or I in the case of one of the self-proclaimed "bishops") are right and you are wrong. There will be no discussion of the matter.. That is what I grew up with and heard until recently, when I stopped listening and asking questions.
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# posted by : 2:38 PM PDT
: 2:38 PM PDT << Home
