Thursday, July 24, 2014
Helpful hints for handling church criticism
I hear a lot of complaining. In every church I visit. I have never known a preacher, elder, deacon, ministry leader, or small group leader who has not had to deal with complainers. So here are a few things I try to remember when dealing with complainers.
There is a difference between a complaint and a complainer.
Generic complaints are not helpful. Everyone thinks, everyone knows, lots of people are saying, etc. If you can't say who, I just have to believe it is not real.
Don't be afraid to tell them to take it up with the person they are complaining about first. I even offer to go with them. If they won't, I don't want to hear it. Won't hear it.
It does matter who makes the complaint. Yep, I said it. The person complaining about our Bible classes will get further with me if they are actually teaching, or even have taught, than the one who hasn't or won't.
Most complainers don't do very many positive things.
Tell them thanks for volunteering and they are now in charge. I know that is not always practical, but ... When someone complains about the church not being friendly, show them witch door they are to be at 15 minutes early next week. Or when they complain about a benevolent program, ask them what they are doing with for the poor or needy.
Some complaints are more serious than others. I am not getting "fed" coming from someone who has been a Christian for 20 years does not bother me near as much as the new Christian who says they are not learning any Bible.
Ask how they would solve the issue. And if they are willing to be personally involved in the solution.
It is OK to tell complainers that they are wrong, their facts are not correct, or they should let it go.
Quit being defensive when faced with a complainer.
The sky is not falling. Really, it's not.
Don't be intimidated by threats. Preachers who threaten to quit, elders, members, etc. Or I'll withhold my contribution, etc.
It is not about how many. Unfaithful spies about to die: 10. Joshua, Caleb, Aaron and Moses: 4. The people went with the 10. The 4 were right.
Many complainers are manipulators. They complain because it works and they get their way.
Use Scripture every time you can. Let them argue with God, not you.
Pray. Ask the complainer to pray.
And always remember, sometimes the complainer is right.
But if you lead, someone is going to complain.
Just ask Moses.
Or God.
There is a difference between a complaint and a complainer.
Generic complaints are not helpful. Everyone thinks, everyone knows, lots of people are saying, etc. If you can't say who, I just have to believe it is not real.
Don't be afraid to tell them to take it up with the person they are complaining about first. I even offer to go with them. If they won't, I don't want to hear it. Won't hear it.
It does matter who makes the complaint. Yep, I said it. The person complaining about our Bible classes will get further with me if they are actually teaching, or even have taught, than the one who hasn't or won't.
Most complainers don't do very many positive things.
Tell them thanks for volunteering and they are now in charge. I know that is not always practical, but ... When someone complains about the church not being friendly, show them witch door they are to be at 15 minutes early next week. Or when they complain about a benevolent program, ask them what they are doing with for the poor or needy.
Some complaints are more serious than others. I am not getting "fed" coming from someone who has been a Christian for 20 years does not bother me near as much as the new Christian who says they are not learning any Bible.
Ask how they would solve the issue. And if they are willing to be personally involved in the solution.
It is OK to tell complainers that they are wrong, their facts are not correct, or they should let it go.
Quit being defensive when faced with a complainer.
The sky is not falling. Really, it's not.
Don't be intimidated by threats. Preachers who threaten to quit, elders, members, etc. Or I'll withhold my contribution, etc.
It is not about how many. Unfaithful spies about to die: 10. Joshua, Caleb, Aaron and Moses: 4. The people went with the 10. The 4 were right.
Many complainers are manipulators. They complain because it works and they get their way.
Use Scripture every time you can. Let them argue with God, not you.
Pray. Ask the complainer to pray.
And always remember, sometimes the complainer is right.
But if you lead, someone is going to complain.
Just ask Moses.
Or God.
Comments:
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Sometimes, as one who has heard numerous complaints, a serious one comes in. Those have to be considered and dealt with. It is very easy to disregard all complaints and, thus, the serious one can slip by you without much thought. It might come by email or in person. Usually the person who offers this type of complaint will be quiet about it so not to draw much attention and might even minimize its seriousness, but that person is being real.
Also, you might consider an anonymous annual or semi-annual survey which requires people to write their concerns and suggestions after answering some questions on a scale. Yes, Some responses will not be reasonable but others will give you good advice and will be helpful. You might even be surprised at the help and information you get from these. I would have them be individually submitted and might ask for a gender and age range. I have seen these done once a decade, but you can have a lot occur in that time period.
This is what I wished had occurred when I was growing up. The reason being that some people below a certain age or a certain donation level are more likely to be ignored. My philosophy is that a church should not be nor appear to be a political organization which checks the donation level of a person to determine how good his/her suggestions are.
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Also, you might consider an anonymous annual or semi-annual survey which requires people to write their concerns and suggestions after answering some questions on a scale. Yes, Some responses will not be reasonable but others will give you good advice and will be helpful. You might even be surprised at the help and information you get from these. I would have them be individually submitted and might ask for a gender and age range. I have seen these done once a decade, but you can have a lot occur in that time period.
This is what I wished had occurred when I was growing up. The reason being that some people below a certain age or a certain donation level are more likely to be ignored. My philosophy is that a church should not be nor appear to be a political organization which checks the donation level of a person to determine how good his/her suggestions are.
# posted by 
: 5:25 PM PDT
: 5:25 PM PDT << Home
