Thursday, May 21, 2015
Everybody's great or nobody's great
Having five grandkids means you see a lot of ballgames, recitals, and award assemblies. I have noticed something recently that seems to be becoming more and more prevalent.
One is the "Everybody is great" approach. You know how it goes: "Now we are going to recognize all the outstanding students. Will everyone rise." In an effort not to hurt any child's self-esteem, we tell them the lie that everyone is a star. They know from a very early age that is not the truth. Some kids are smarter, some are more athletic, some are more gifted musically, and some are better at building things. Does it really help your child for everyone to tell them what a great athlete they are right up until the time they are cut from the high school baseball team. Or they go to a school that has an honor roll actually based on your grades. Or they do not in fact get into the college of their choice. Or they go to work someday and are not promoted because others are better at the job than they are.
I am all for building self-esteem but not by lying to our kids.
Or it goes the other way. I saw a graduation for second graders the other day. Just like one I attended last year. All the students were called to the stage and received their diploma promoting them to third grade. They had their name announced and proud parents clapped for them. Very special. There was also a group of students who maintained a 95 average in every subject for the entire year. This particular school district wants to promote academic excellence so these students got a medal in addition to their diploma.
Last year, the high academic students had an extra statement added to their name recognizing the achievement and they got their diploma and a medal around their neck. Evidently some students -- or more likely, some parents -- did not like the fact that these students were recognized for this. It implied that some students were not as good a student as others. So this year every student got an envelope with their diploma inside. The academic achievers got their medal, but it was just in their envelope and no mention made of it.
When the assembly was over, the medals were being put on necks and it was quickly obvious who the high academic achievers were. Except no one recognized them for it publicly. So they are learning that we want you to be a really good student, but it is not a big deal and do not let everyone else know.
So what does that teach our kids? There is a subtle message communicated about effort and success. Why try if we are going to pretend everyone is a star? Or why make extra effort if we pretend it does not matter?
Oh well, maybe I am just a old geezer who doesn't get it.
Except for one thing. If we are talking about Jesus and spirituality I am all about the everyone is great concept. Because of Jesus, that is true. And really no one is great because everything we have and do is because of Jesus. So just get the diploma and there are no medals. But we are all winners in Jesus.
And in the long run, the Jesus deal is the only thing that really matters.
One is the "Everybody is great" approach. You know how it goes: "Now we are going to recognize all the outstanding students. Will everyone rise." In an effort not to hurt any child's self-esteem, we tell them the lie that everyone is a star. They know from a very early age that is not the truth. Some kids are smarter, some are more athletic, some are more gifted musically, and some are better at building things. Does it really help your child for everyone to tell them what a great athlete they are right up until the time they are cut from the high school baseball team. Or they go to a school that has an honor roll actually based on your grades. Or they do not in fact get into the college of their choice. Or they go to work someday and are not promoted because others are better at the job than they are.
I am all for building self-esteem but not by lying to our kids.
Or it goes the other way. I saw a graduation for second graders the other day. Just like one I attended last year. All the students were called to the stage and received their diploma promoting them to third grade. They had their name announced and proud parents clapped for them. Very special. There was also a group of students who maintained a 95 average in every subject for the entire year. This particular school district wants to promote academic excellence so these students got a medal in addition to their diploma.
Last year, the high academic students had an extra statement added to their name recognizing the achievement and they got their diploma and a medal around their neck. Evidently some students -- or more likely, some parents -- did not like the fact that these students were recognized for this. It implied that some students were not as good a student as others. So this year every student got an envelope with their diploma inside. The academic achievers got their medal, but it was just in their envelope and no mention made of it.
When the assembly was over, the medals were being put on necks and it was quickly obvious who the high academic achievers were. Except no one recognized them for it publicly. So they are learning that we want you to be a really good student, but it is not a big deal and do not let everyone else know.
So what does that teach our kids? There is a subtle message communicated about effort and success. Why try if we are going to pretend everyone is a star? Or why make extra effort if we pretend it does not matter?
Oh well, maybe I am just a old geezer who doesn't get it.
Except for one thing. If we are talking about Jesus and spirituality I am all about the everyone is great concept. Because of Jesus, that is true. And really no one is great because everything we have and do is because of Jesus. So just get the diploma and there are no medals. But we are all winners in Jesus.
And in the long run, the Jesus deal is the only thing that really matters.
