Ridgell's Originals

So thinking about elder selection and today I want to talk about practical aspects of an elder and his wife.

I think it is a couple selection.  I do not believe "husband of one wife" is just a requirement that elders be married.  Or some kind of disguised commentary of divorce and remarriage.  I think in very real and practical ways a church is selecting a couple to lead them.

Let me be clear.  I am not advocating women elders.  I do not think that you are selecting two elders.  But I also believe that in practical terms my work as an elder is not sitting in meetings with other elders.  Shepherding happens in the lives of people and Marsha is just as important in that as I am.

Our marriage should be a model for other couples.  Not perfect.  But making it work and getting better every day.  In our case, we are great models for wounded marriages that get healthy.  Our scars are living proof that Jesus redeems, restores, and heals.

I do not keep secrets from Marsha.  Part of that is our personal commitment for our marriage but it is also because we function as one.  When people use the word confidential when talking to me, I tell them that Marsha will know She may choose not to hear some things and I may tell some things generically but she will know.  I value her judgement, I trust her advice, and the burdens are too heavy to carry alone.

And frankly, most shepherding I do needs a woman's touch.  I believe men and women bring different gifts and strengths to shepherding.  Maybe that is why God said elders are to be married.

People will talk to Marsha that will not talk to me.  Abused women, women whose husbands have crossed lines, and woman without Christian husbands may feel much more comfortable talking to her.

And if you are a woman in my flock seeking spiritual counsel and advice, you cannot talk to me unless Marsha is there.  Protects you, protects me, and stops gossip.

Being an elder takes up a lot of time.  Your wife better buy in.  Elder wives hear a lot of things and they have to be discreet.  Lots of people in and out of our home.  Lots of meals cooked and served.  Lots of prayers prayed.  Our house is stocked with Bibles, Kleenex, coffee, and cokes.

It takes both.

The first time I became an elder -- over ten years ago now -- I had one of the current elder's wives tell me she was putting my name up to be one of the shepherds.  When I thanked her, she said it was not about me.  She said it was because Marsha would be a great elder's wife.  She was right and there was a lot of wisdom in her statement.  Churches need good elder's wives.

So I think selecting an elder means looking at the couple.  Marsha has to be every bit as invested as I am.  She has been a great elderess.  Better wife, Mom, and Mimi.  But a great shepherd's wife.  Together we make a good team.

So God... thanks for Marsha and her love for your people, especially those who are disenfranchised, lonely, and overlooked.  Thanks for her passion for lost souls.  And thank you that she lives out every day the truth of your grace extended to others.