Thursday, February 09, 2017
No I can't -- and won't -- try to help you anymore
I think every Christian wrestles with how to help our brothers and sisters who are living with sin. Of course, I do not mean that we are all expected to lead sinless lives. Impossible. But I am talking about the member of our church family who is entangled in sin to the point it will destroy them. Sinful relationships, sinful addictions, lifestyle choices.
As an elder, I am especially convicted to help those in my flock who are in spiritual trouble. It may be someone convicted of their sin who seeks me out. Or someone who was caught in their sin and that has brought them to their senses.
My regular readers know that I believe Marsha and I are gifted as the "triage" elder couple. Addictions, shattered marriages, public humiliation. I frequently state publicly that there is no sin for which our flock cannot come to us and seek help. And that God is the great fixer of our messes. We stress forgiveness, managing consequences, and changing lives.
We will get down in the mud, blood, and mess of lives for as long as it takes. And have. Sometimes for years.
Except...
There are some people I will not help.
I will not spend time with the person who will not admit what they have done (or are doing) is wrong. I do not have the time or energy to try and convince Christians why certain actions are not acceptable for the Jesus follower. I need to hear them say it was -- or is -- wrong.
I do not have time for the person who admits they are wrong, but just want to explain how their mess is really everyone else's fault. Their mate, God, financial pressure, the church, and on and on. I am interested in helping the one who confesses they have sinned.
I don't want to spend time on the person who does not want to be there. Parents, mate, boss, another elder, or someone told them to talk to me. Only if they repent -- and by that I mean acknowledge that they need, and want, to change am I willing to invest in their lives.
And we end our time together when they do not accept my counsel. Not because I am always right, but because all I know to do is offer advice based on Scripture, my life experience, and years of helping others battle -- and overcome -- their demons. So if they say they do have to talk one more time with the other woman, or they can't just quit their job, or there is no way they are going to a professional counselor, or there is no way they are going to tell someone where they are every second of the day ... well, then I am out. My advice may be wrong and I always tell them that if they think my advice is poor then go to someone else. All I can do is give what I believe to be sound spiritual advice. If they don't buy it, then we are both wasting our time.
So there are times when I say "sorry but I can't help you." It took me a long time to learn that.
Maybe this will help some of you decide when it is time to cut people loose. Doesn't mean you don't love them. Just means you are not the one to help them. And if they really want help, God will connect them with those who will help them. It just may not be me. Or you.
so God help me to always be there for those in trouble. I have seen you do amazing things in my life and in the lives of others. Help me to always give strong spiritual counsel. But help me have the wisdom and courage to know when it is time to move on.
As an elder, I am especially convicted to help those in my flock who are in spiritual trouble. It may be someone convicted of their sin who seeks me out. Or someone who was caught in their sin and that has brought them to their senses.
My regular readers know that I believe Marsha and I are gifted as the "triage" elder couple. Addictions, shattered marriages, public humiliation. I frequently state publicly that there is no sin for which our flock cannot come to us and seek help. And that God is the great fixer of our messes. We stress forgiveness, managing consequences, and changing lives.
We will get down in the mud, blood, and mess of lives for as long as it takes. And have. Sometimes for years.
Except...
There are some people I will not help.
I will not spend time with the person who will not admit what they have done (or are doing) is wrong. I do not have the time or energy to try and convince Christians why certain actions are not acceptable for the Jesus follower. I need to hear them say it was -- or is -- wrong.
I do not have time for the person who admits they are wrong, but just want to explain how their mess is really everyone else's fault. Their mate, God, financial pressure, the church, and on and on. I am interested in helping the one who confesses they have sinned.
I don't want to spend time on the person who does not want to be there. Parents, mate, boss, another elder, or someone told them to talk to me. Only if they repent -- and by that I mean acknowledge that they need, and want, to change am I willing to invest in their lives.
And we end our time together when they do not accept my counsel. Not because I am always right, but because all I know to do is offer advice based on Scripture, my life experience, and years of helping others battle -- and overcome -- their demons. So if they say they do have to talk one more time with the other woman, or they can't just quit their job, or there is no way they are going to a professional counselor, or there is no way they are going to tell someone where they are every second of the day ... well, then I am out. My advice may be wrong and I always tell them that if they think my advice is poor then go to someone else. All I can do is give what I believe to be sound spiritual advice. If they don't buy it, then we are both wasting our time.
So there are times when I say "sorry but I can't help you." It took me a long time to learn that.
Maybe this will help some of you decide when it is time to cut people loose. Doesn't mean you don't love them. Just means you are not the one to help them. And if they really want help, God will connect them with those who will help them. It just may not be me. Or you.
so God help me to always be there for those in trouble. I have seen you do amazing things in my life and in the lives of others. Help me to always give strong spiritual counsel. But help me have the wisdom and courage to know when it is time to move on.
