Tuesday, August 21, 2018
What to Say When There Are No Words
She decided to stop all treatment for her cancer and made the decision to enter hospice care, realizing she would probably not help her daughter plan a wedding. Never hold her future grandkids.
Their 23 year old son died suddenly in the middle of the night.
The young mother of four diagnosed with aggressive breast cancer.
Living rooms we have been in over the past couple of weeks.
All of these situations where there are no words.
But many times these are the lives of people we love. We desperately want to be Jesus for them. We long to know what to do. We are their preacher, or elder, or friend, or family member. They are in our church, our small group, our Bible class.
You know them too. You have crises in the lives of those you love. When you want to say something. When you are expected to say something. But there are just no words.
So here are a few things we do. They help.
Pray for ourselves first. To seize the holy moments. To know what to do. Or what to say. Lots of times we have been in shock also. So first we dry our tears, pray for strength and courage.
Then we ...
Show up. Just be there. Bring a meal. Or a pie. Make the coffee. Volunteer to make phone calls. Clean the house. Mow the yard.
Touch. Hug. Hold a hand.
Pray. Short is OK. Ask for God's peace and to have his presence felt. And when you do this, lay hands of them. Hold hands in a prayer circle.
There are words to speak. I love you. I'm so sorry. We're here. You do not have to explain everything. Or even make sense of everything. Not at first. Keep it simple, short, and focused.
Read Scripture. If you want to say something, use God's words.
There are words not to speak. If you are the one they are looking to for answers, or spiritual guidance, there will be a time for that. Let the dust settle. Get past the initial shock. There will be a time that is right to talk about faith, love, repentance, confession, and living for Jesus. And use Scripture here also. If you are not sure when the time is right... listen. They will let you know.
Repeat. Don't forget about them. Edit: I need to confess that I am not as good at this as I should be. Great in the crisis and in the midst of the storm. Tend to move on to the next crisis. But the best ministry is often done in the days, weeks, months, and years after the crisis.
So obviously it has been a long couple of weeks. Lots of holy moments. Lots of tears. Lots of hugging, praying, and God's words. And the deeper conversations are starting.
So just a few thoughts for the people that ask what we do in crisis. And how we do it.
Their 23 year old son died suddenly in the middle of the night.
The young mother of four diagnosed with aggressive breast cancer.
Living rooms we have been in over the past couple of weeks.
All of these situations where there are no words.
But many times these are the lives of people we love. We desperately want to be Jesus for them. We long to know what to do. We are their preacher, or elder, or friend, or family member. They are in our church, our small group, our Bible class.
You know them too. You have crises in the lives of those you love. When you want to say something. When you are expected to say something. But there are just no words.
So here are a few things we do. They help.
Pray for ourselves first. To seize the holy moments. To know what to do. Or what to say. Lots of times we have been in shock also. So first we dry our tears, pray for strength and courage.
Then we ...
Show up. Just be there. Bring a meal. Or a pie. Make the coffee. Volunteer to make phone calls. Clean the house. Mow the yard.
Touch. Hug. Hold a hand.
Pray. Short is OK. Ask for God's peace and to have his presence felt. And when you do this, lay hands of them. Hold hands in a prayer circle.
There are words to speak. I love you. I'm so sorry. We're here. You do not have to explain everything. Or even make sense of everything. Not at first. Keep it simple, short, and focused.
Read Scripture. If you want to say something, use God's words.
There are words not to speak. If you are the one they are looking to for answers, or spiritual guidance, there will be a time for that. Let the dust settle. Get past the initial shock. There will be a time that is right to talk about faith, love, repentance, confession, and living for Jesus. And use Scripture here also. If you are not sure when the time is right... listen. They will let you know.
Repeat. Don't forget about them. Edit: I need to confess that I am not as good at this as I should be. Great in the crisis and in the midst of the storm. Tend to move on to the next crisis. But the best ministry is often done in the days, weeks, months, and years after the crisis.
So obviously it has been a long couple of weeks. Lots of holy moments. Lots of tears. Lots of hugging, praying, and God's words. And the deeper conversations are starting.
So just a few thoughts for the people that ask what we do in crisis. And how we do it.
